Something More?

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” 

Ephesians 3:20

This is one of those posts that I am hesitant to write simply because the words are hard to admit sometimes. But these words are my truth and for years I have sat on this truth, felt alone and kept quiet for fear that someone would think less of me.  But today, as I was chatting with another friend who is going through a difficult time I realized that it is only when we share our insecurities or struggles with one another that people can begin to see they are not alone and not so different.

I am the mom of five super incredible kids.  When I was young all I ever dreamed about was being a mom one day and having lots of babies.  I feel like I fulfilled that young girl’s dream.  I love my kids more than life itself.  I would do anything for my children and I have. But, with that said, being a mom did not leave me filling fulfilled.  Something in me knew there was more to my life than being a wife and mom. Because of that I began praying many years ago that God would fill that void in me with exactly what was supposed to fit there. 

I remember as a young mom I would have huge conversations with my mentor at the time. She was my mother’s age and had two grown boys.  She had always been a stay at home mom and still stayed home.  When I would share with her what was on my heart she would tell me how my purpose was all about being a wife and mom.  That those are the responsibilities God had placed in front of me and I needed to learn to be content in those things. Her response was always very frustrating to me.  I was content and felt blessed to be able to stay at home, but I knew that one day my children would grow up and my role as a mother would change.  I knew in my heart there had to be more and I wanted God to use me in ways I could never imagine.

We see if so often in our church communities where women are made to feel like there place is in the home and the idea of working outside of that home instead of caring for our children or homeschooling is scoffed.  I lived in a community that very much viewed things that way and it left me feeling discouraged.

Over the course of my life I have watched people confine God to a box.  Creating rules and boundaries according to the way in which they believe life should be lived and then alienating anyone living outside of their system. I’ve witnessed as they have placed limits on the power, the faithfulness and goodness of God because of their inability to believe that His ways are so much greater than their own then limiting His ability to display His greatness through them because of their small beliefs. I didn’t nor do I want to be that person.  I want God’s purpose for my life fulfilled in ways that I could never even begin to imagine and so I prayed that way.  Spoiler Alert….it happened 😊

For me, my purpose did not come until the age of 43.  It took 43 years of living and a lot of life experience for me to finally find the place where God would have me.  The place where He would use my life, my story, my personality, my faith, and my gifts to display His infinite goodness to those who are yearning for some hope and light in their very dark world. For the first time in my life, I wake up every single day eager to begin my day.  Excited for what my day will hold.  Knowing and believing that once again God will reveal Himself in times when I need Him the most so that I can display His goodness to those in front me. 

Now looking back, I realize had I never started praying at 25 for God to use me outside of my home I might have never known this life I know now.  I might not have paid attention along the way for His hand in my life. I might not have learned to hear His voice above the noisiness of the world.  I might have missed it all!  Yes, it took 18 years to get here but it was not 18 wasted years.  During that entire time God was shaping me, refining me and preparing me for the role in which He has placed me today. 

God has a purpose for each one of us.  He has a special part written in His story where we each play our own role where His glory is revealed. Sometimes it might feel like it is never going to come but He knows when we are ready. He knows when we have reached a place where we can move forward with confidence in who He is and trust His hand to guide us.

We each have a different journey.  No two are the same. But each journey starts with a prayer.  A request. Asking for His plan, His purpose, His will for our lives. So, don’t be afraid to start asking Him to use you in ways you could never imagine.  And don’t be surprised by the doors He may open and ask you to walk through as you seek after Him.  His journey for us is amazing!  It isn’t perfect and free of pain but the reward for going through the dark valleys is so worth the victories on the mountain tops!!!

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.6 Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take. 

Proverbs 3:5-6