God's will: The tightrope effect

“God’s will is not a tightrope.”  Those six words said by my pastor caught my attention.  No they grabbed my attention.  My eyes and ears focused on him.  The words that followed drew me in and met me right where I needed.

Trying to decipher God’s will has left me confused more times than not.  Bringing God glory is my purpose but is there a plan as well?  A road map I am to follow?  Specific things He wants me to do?  A way in which He wants to use me?  If so, I have screwed it up.   I want nothing more than to bring Him glory.  I crave it with the entirety of my being.  But sometimes, for the life of me, I cannot figure out what it entails.  

Looking back over the last five years I have confidence God is going to use my battles for something.  Visions.  I have visions of things to come.  I know that may sound weird or freaky to those who are reading this but I have them. God gives me a small glimpse every now and then of something He has for me.  Just enough to keep me focused on the road ahead.  I am restless.  I know He has something out there for me and I am ready to move ahead and do whatever, and I mean WHATEVER, He wants me to do.  But what?  I ask.  I pray.  I continue to wait.  

I know waiting.  I have experienced waiting over the last five years.  I know what it means to want something so much you can taste it but having to wait until the perfect moment for it to be yours. That moment when you’re ready to receive it and He places it in your hands. The moment the waiting ends. I’ve been there too. So waiting, I get.

Back to the tightrope. Tears flood my eyes as I envision the tightrope.  The burden of the tightrope effect has left me crippled for far too long. As I heard the words, God's will is not a tightrope, a humongous weight fell off my shoulders. There are days when I realize that I am still held prisoner by the chains of legalism.  Too many years spent chained to a religion has made it hard to grasp parts of the Bible. It has made it difficult to understand God.  Add to it the scandal of divorce and I am left struggling to walk the tightrope of God’s will. I feel defeated every day.  So the realization that God’s will consists of more than walking “from point A to point B” is inspiring.  My pastor said God's will is like a freeway.  There are different lanes, with many choices along the way. Good and bad choices.  Decisions we have to make. Yes poor choices lead us in the wrong direction but they do not negate us from being in God’s will altogether. Do you understand how freeing that is?  

Romans 11:36 says, “For all that exists originates in Him, comes through Him, and is moving toward Him; so give Him the glory forever. Amen.”  What do I take away from that verse?  I am God’s creation.  He created me for His glory.  My purpose in this life is to bring Him glory through the life I live.  To me, it means that in every choice I make, I need to seek after Him.  Follow Him. When I have a choice to make, I turn to Him and choosing to follow Him in obedience brings Him glory.  Yes I will fall.  Yes I will make wrong turns.  But He will redirect my steps when I seek and ask for direction.  

Was God’s plan for me to end up divorced?  NO.  I am fully aware God’s hand was not in my divorce. However God’s hand was on me as I trudged through the battle and trusted Him throughout everything I experienced.  He was there.  He is still here.  It was through those battles that I recognized His voice for the first time.  Experienced His presence.  It was in the loneliness of being cast aside by friends and family that I found Him.  Though my marriage was ending, my relationship with Jesus did not.  Instead it became more real.  More intimate.  I craved Him because I was desperate to hear His voice and sense His presence and He made Himself known.  

Something else my pastor said that I love, “You will never accidentally hear God’s voice.”  That is so true. In the midst of pain and the darkness of battle, His presence, His voice is not an accident.  It is in those moments when you are searching for Him that you will find Him.  Searching through scripture, through music looking for His wisdom and direction is when it happens.   It is when you are in the trenches of a fierce battle and become so desperate for His help that you recognize His voice above the noise. You realize that you cannot take another step on your own and you call out to Him and He answers. You fall into His arms.  And you know what?  He catches you.  He catches and grabs a hold of you.  You finally recognize His voice and experience His peace.  The noise of the world falls away and you hear Him call your name.  And you know He has you.  He has your situation and is there.  Everything changes.  

Freedom in Christ is something I am experiencing and understanding more and more every day as I follow Him.  His grace is enormous. It is more than I can comprehend.  But so is His will for my life.  His plan.  He has given me this life.  He allows me new breath every day. With it,  I am to live a life that aligns with His character which brings Him glory.  My mind is blown.  I am overwhelmed with the idea that my entire life is not ruined (For God’s purpose)  by one wrong turn

So now God I am ready.  I have been restless for so long.  But now  I understand. SO many feelings of unworthiness from not walking the tightrope perfectly.  Thinking I had to DO something to get back into Your good graces. So misled by the enemy.  Distracted by so much untruth.  But I get it.  I asked and You answered. Oh how  I crave You.  I crave to live my life for You.  Here I am.  I am ready.  Tell me where to go.  

You may be reading this and wondering what in the world?  Where is she going with this post?  If you are, this post isn’t for you.  This post is for those who have been where I have been.  This is for those who have made those wrong turns and been left to feel that God no longer has a place or purpose for you in His plan.  His will is more than a tightrope.  He can take those wrong turns, those falls, those horrible choices and restore what has been broken.  Your messed up story is His opportunity to bring glory to His name by making you shine as His grace covers your broken pieces.  Just ask Him.

Thank you Pastor Jimmy for pointing me towards Jesus!

Judas, Religion and Relationship: How close are you to 30 pieces of silver?

Have you ever sat and pondered the story of Judas? His relationship with Jesus and the role he played in the story? 

I admit I am guilty of the typical stereotype.  I picture this weasel looking man with tiny beady eyes who was not a “part” of the group.  I envision someone who always did his own thing.  In my mind, he was distant from the other disciples carrying around a lot of baggage from a messed up childhood.  For someone to betray Jesus for money would entail several seriously deep rooted issues reaching way back to their childhood, right? But then I ask, are my assumptions correct?

My knowledge of Judas comes from what I read in the Bible and stories learned in Sunday School.  It is easy to jump the gun and assume he was an outsider always causing trouble however, something grabs my attention making me second guess myself.  Remember reading the story of the Last Supper (Matthew 26:19-25) and the way in which Jesus specifically says one within His group will betray Him? Notice when reading the story none of the disciples point to Judas as the obvious choice. In fact, they ask, “Is it me?”  

Labeling Judas as the corrupt, dishonest perpetrator becomes easier since the ending of the story is well-known. The assumption that he was disliked or a “weasel” makes the story easier to read since no one enjoys a villain.  So quick to judge. The assumption that Judas lacked a sparkling personality is easier to swallow knowing he is the betrayer. What if, however, his friends loved him? Maybe Judas was personable. The answers to these questions can’t be simply assumed because we weren’t there to witness the relationship.

Replaying the story in my head, I suppose a conclusion could be drawn that something was missing in the “relationship” between Judas and Jesus.  How else does one betray one of their closest friends for 30 pieces of silver? He traveled with Jesus, met Him in the flesh, however, it appears he did not “know” Him.  He heard Jesus preach, except it seems the words spoken did not permeate the heart of Judas. Judas had a religion, but did not have an intimate and personal relationship with Jesus.  

As I imagine the Last Supper, it is simple to visualize the enemy at work.  He knew the exact man he needed to exploit to betray Jesus.  He needed someone whose eyes had seen Jesus, yet whose heart had not.  Judas wore the cloak of religion, but failed to grasp the heart of Jesus. It requires little effort to claim the name of Jesus.  Many do it every day.  Unfortunately, they miss the mark and fail to understand the mission and heart of Jesus.   Similar to Judas, they bear His name, yet serve a religion.  

In life, it is normal to seek out wisdom, encouragement and support when struggles arise.  The search for those who appear to hold it all together or appear godlier gives false hope that they may hold the answers to the questions that surround life.  Many people live out religion.  They know the right words to say, the answers to all the questions, can quote scripture and are spotted at church on Sunday although that is where it ends. We each possess what it requires to follow Jesus.  We recognize the dos and don’ts, what to say and who to follow, however, oftentimes our hearts are not in it.   A personal relationship with Jesus is missing.  We “recognize” Him, nevertheless neglect to “know” Him in a personal way.

Oftentimes it is easy to be misguided by our thoughts when looking at those around us. It is typical to compare oneself to others with misguided thoughts, wishing one could be as “godly” or as knowledgeable as it is assumed about others.  However, people are not always as they appear and at times it is tough to spot the wolf in sheep’s clothing.  Judas type people surround us every day. There is a lot of “religion” walking the earth. When fluff is spoken yet actions speak something else, then it is surmisable a relationship with Jesus is lacking. Many claim His name, however, have never truly known Him.

This morning I once again came across the passage in Luke 11:42-44 which led me to consider Judas, religion and relationship.  What do people see in me? How do people see you?  How close do we come to being Pharisees? Do you claim His name but live your own way?  It is probably something we should consider every once in a while. How close are we to accepting those 30 pieces of silver?

“Woe to you, Pharisees! Judgement will come on you! What you really love is having people fawn over you when you take the seat of honor in the synagogue or when you are greeted in the public market.

Wake up!  See what you’ve become! Woe to you; you’re like a field full of marked graves. People walk on the field and have no idea of the corruption that’s a few inches beneath their feet.”

Luke 11:42-44

Scandal

I wore the scarlet letter “D” around my neck for several years.  Divorce. It was not a word I ever expected to find attached to my name. In fact, had you asked me in my younger years if I believed I would ever wear the title of divorcee you would have received a loud resounding no.  I would never be one of “those” people. That would have honestly been my answer.  Truly.  Well look at me now.

After sixteen years of marriage and five beautiful children, I found myself at the end of my marriage.  I found myself a single mom of five with no job.  After fifteen years of being a devoted stay at home mom, I had to figure out how to provide for six people on my own.  My identity as wife had been stripped away and was now a thing of my past.  The scarlet letter “D” hung so large and disgusting around my neck that is began to define me. With each marital status box check marked divorced, I sank lower and lower into a lesser version of myself. I began to lose even more of myself than I already had in many years of an unhealthy marriage. When I was young, I wanted so badly to “get it right.”  I was determined to do all the things God wanted me to do and to go all the great places He wanted me to go.  I had great plans for the plans God had for my life. That was the problem.  They were my great plans and somewhere along the way, it all went wrong.

Finding oneself within a community of Christians is incredibly difficult after divorce.  To find healing and restoration within a church can be even more difficult.  Throughout the process of my divorce I went to church.  I wanted comfort and direction. I needed guidance. But what happened was more times than I can count I left feeling discouraged and hurt from simple comments about “divorced people.”  The feelings of inadequacy grew into a pile that covered me with such weight that I could not breath at times.  As I would slowly attempt to dig my way out of the rubble and just begin to see some light someone else was there to add more weight to my pile, reminding me that divorce was a sin and that it disqualified me from God’s blessing.  The cycle continued. The digging, climbing and clearing of the horror and humiliation by those well meaning Christians in my life. A never ending cycle of pain.

It took a great work of God to get me through it all.  It took enormous amounts of time emerged in His book searching for His answers and not the opinions of others.  You see I had to come to the realization that we all have regrets.  We all deal with shame and guilt.  We all have sinned. We all continuously sin. It is an ongoing act for everyone.

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.  

Romans 3:23

Because of our sin, we all deserve death.  No one person is better than another.  

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 6:23

Suddenly it was like a light bulb went off in my head as I began to truly grasp that no one was sinless.  That was huge for me because somewhere in my mind I had created a lie that said there were those who walked the earth that did not sin.  What a lie I found myself believing. It left me feeling like I would never be good enough.  Then I discovered a “But God.”

But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.  Romans 5:8

Let me tell you the significance of But God, in my life.  I want to share it with you because it is huge and it is freeing.  You see on my own I cannot live this life perfectly.  Nothing I do on my own will succeed if I do not allow God room to work.  This would be where But God comes in and changes everything. Example: I may feel that I have ruined my life because I am divorced but God showed His great love for me by sending Christ to die for me while I was still a sinner. (Romans 5:8) You see when we see a But God in scripture it signals a change or a clarification in what follows next. It signals a change in our life or a chance to challenge and grow our faith.  When God enters the picture of our lives,  He makes all the difference in the world because He changes everything and His mercy makes it new. It begins to change your perspective on things. That’s what happened to me. I realized that nothing I could do nor anyone else would ever be good enough to gain God’s approval, His love or His grace.  We are all nothing but disgusting sinners who need saving. But God gave us Jesus and it is by the blood of Jesus that God’s see me as righteous and no longer disgusting. So now  I shut out the world and I listen to what God has to say about me.

I am a child of God

But to all who believed Him and accepted Him, He gave the right to become the children of God.

John 1:12

I am chosen, holy and blameless before God

Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.

Ephesians 1:4

I am righteous and holy

Put on your new nature, created to be like God-truly righteous and holy.

Ephesians 4:24

I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Jesus Christ

He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins.

Ephesians 1:7

My past happened.  It is done. I cannot change what has happened.  I cannot go back and make things different.  I could choose to continue to beat myself up and carry the burden of my past forever but that would just be stupid.  That would be like living in a prison forever.  When it all comes down to it, we all have a past, we all have sin and we all deserve death BUT GOD gave us Jesus.  Thank God and His amazing grace that because of the work Jesus did on the cross, He remembers our sin no more!  He has taken it and thrown it as far as the east is from the west.  He has redeemed the messes and restored the broken.  He has freed me from my past and He has freed you from your past too.  

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Psalm 103:12

But the Lord will redeem those who serve Him.  No one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned.

Psalm 34:22

So Christ has truly set us free.  Now make sure you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

Galatians 5:1

There are days when the past creeps in and I find myself suffering with feelings of guilt and shame. Satan wants nothing more than for us to suffer with those feelings.  He wants us to be so paralyzed by our past regrets and choices that we cannot move forward because his mission is to steal, kill and destroy the abundant life that Jesus came to give us.  (John 10:10)  We have to remember that we are free! We cannot enjoy the life God has for us if we allow ourselves to wallow in guilt and shame.  So we must combat those lies of Satan with the Truth of God’s word.

Jesus said to the people who believed in Him, “you are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings.  And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

That is it!  The truth sets us free!  The past has happened but I will make the choice not to allow it to impact my future.  The choice is up to us. We can choose to either wear those chains of guilt and shame or throw them off and allow God to redeem our past and use it for His glory!!

My scarlet is letter is a “D,” but perhaps you have a different letter hanging around your neck. Truth be told I have many scarlet letters that I could wear. So do you.  Maybe it is an “A” for adultery or addiction.  Maybe it is a “G” for gossip or greed.  Maybe it is a “P” for pornography or pride.  An “I” for insecurity or “J” for judgmental attitude.

Regardless of your sin, regardless of the guilt, God is your only true answer and real source of freedom.

I am divorced but I am no longer defined by my scarlet letter of shame.  Instead, I choose to see myself as whole, forgiven and loved.  I choose to wear the title of Child of the One true King!  I choose to be free!

Grace Deficient

So imagine being told that someone has no desire to meet your spouse. Because of preconceived notions and judgements formulated in their own mind, they do not want to meet one of the most important people in your life. The one person in your life who has taught and demonstrated God’s love to you more than anyone else and they don’t want to know them. That was the dilemma I was facing. That was my heartache. But God quickly turned that dilemma into a great lesson. 

You see, over the course of a messy divorce, I learned a lot about people. I also learned even more about God and His unending love and amazing grace for His children. For those who would refuse to accept someone they have never even met based solely on assumptions and judgements and cast them aside leads me to believe that they may have a grace deficiency. 

 I have come to realize that when you struggle with any kind of sin, there will be those who stand on the sidelines casting their stones in your direction. They will point fingers, talk, and make their judgements yet stand confused as they cannot quite make sense as to how it is that Jesus is working through your mess of a life. I don’t mean that to come across arrogant. Instead quite the opposite. I am a sinner who feels unworthy of being used by God. I have failed on so many occasions but my Jesus did something amazing for me. He paid an amazing price for my life so that my life could be used for His Father's glory. 

Imagine standing in a room full of people. You are there with your struggles and sin trying to make sense of a life gone wrong. Around the room are those who turn up their noses and point fingers making assumptions of every wrong decision you have made. Suddenly you look and there He is. There is Jesus. You suddenly become confused. Why? Because He is standing next to you. You don’t understand. You see, all those in the room pointing their fingers are the ones who have lived such good lives. They do all the right things. They say the right things. Why is He standing with you? Then He looks at you and speaks.

 “Healthy people don’t need a doctor-sick people do.” 

Then He adds,

 “Now go and learn the meaning of this scripture: I want you to show mercy not offer sacrifices. For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” 

 Matthew 9:12-13 

 There it is. In a nutshell. He is there with you because you get it. You know you are a sinner and you know you need His grace.

Sometimes it is hard for those who have lived such a “blameless” life to understand how it is that those who have messed up so bad in life can be used by God but that scripture makes it abundantly clear. You see, Jesus takes our greatest failures and our deepest regrets and biggest heartaches and He uses them to do amazing things. When we turn it all over to Him, seek His forgiveness in true repentance, He restores us. But not only that He makes us shine brighter than we ever did before. Why? Because we get it.  We recognize that we are frail, weak and sinful. We realize that before we did not get it. We were being held in bondage by rules and regulations that were keeping us from walking with Him so intimately. We now understand what it means to fall flat on our face and have the Creator of the Universe pick us up and say, “My child I love you.” We have been through so much and gotten it wrong so many times that turning down our noses at another is not possible. Instead we see a world full of people just like us. People who are hurting and broken, longing to be rescued. And that is exactly what He does. He rescues. He pulls us out of the miry clay and He begins to mold and fashion us into something so beautiful. But the incredible thing is that we are not just beautiful, but we are usable too. Because we have been beaten and bruised by the ugliness of the world, we’re easier to shape into His likeness. It is easier to mold us into His image because we yearn to be like Him. We desire to be transformed. We want Him. We long to share Him and everything He has done and given to us. We can’t get enough. We look at the world and see what He sees: The hurt, the lonely, the struggling, the abandoned, the beaten, the betrayed, the orphaned, and our hearts overflow with love for them. We see the world with His eyes and our hearts flow with compassion, mercy and grace for those who need hope, who need Him just like we did. And so, He uses us. He is using my husband. He is using me. He is using our marriage. Because of His grace we are being used to bring His Father glory and show His Father’s love to those who need rescuing. 

 As Christians, this isn’t new information. Throughout scripture that is always where you found Jesus. With the sinners, the downtrodden and the lost. He was with the ones who needed rescuing and He avoided the ones who “followed” the rules because they had no place for Him in their lives. That was the mission of Jesus. That should be our mission. Not to turn up our noses at those who stumble and fall but instead to offer them the grace, mercy and love that Jesus offered to us. Why? Because that is what Jesus would do!

Hiding behind the don't judge nonsense...Please!!??

I was scrolling through Twitter when the picture to the left popped up in my feed along with the caption “There is a BIG difference between judging/criticizing and pouring forth the straight testimony.  It’s time we be honest and stop hiding behind the “DON”T JUDGE” nonsense."  My shoulders slumped and my heart sank.  The arrogance of posting such a statement. Why do people post the things they do?  Is it a lack of understanding scripture?  Of grace? It is hard to understand the whys especially when it is posted by someone you know. In my frustration, I opened my Bible and began searching for answers and what God had to say.  The rest of this posting is where my time with Him led.   

For all have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.
Romans 3:12

For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many.  But even greater is God's wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. Romans 5:17 

My first question while searching became: Where does that kind of attitude come from? Is it a lack of understanding grace? I know it is a word they talk about and are aware of the meaning but it seems that they do not know how to extend or accept it.  My search then led me to my journal where I had penned this quote by Chuck Swindoll in which he refers to this kind of attitude as un-Christlike.  "Grace killers are notorious for a judgmental attitude.  It is perhaps the single most un-Christlike characteristic in evangelical circles today." This led me to the book of Matthew where Jesus referred to them as white washed tombs.

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees?  Hypocrites!  For you are like white washed tombs-beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity.”     Matthew 23:27

I realize that the world out there is full of “Christians” who will judge and criticize those around them. They finger point and gossip all the while ignoring the incredibly large sequoia tree hanging from their own eye (Matt. 7:3-5). I guess what I am learning is simply this; avoid those that would be quick to point out your sin while ignoring their own. Avoid those that have developed alternatives to God's grace. Those who opt for a list of dos and don'ts or leave no room for gray areas or who have developed judgmental attitudes toward those who will not follow their plans or opinions.  Why? Because those types of attitudes are un-Christlike.

There is an excellent book written by Max Lucado titled In the Grip of Grace, which touches on this as well.  I have read it several times and this particular passage gets me every time.

In Romans 1 Paul confronts the hedonists.  In chapter 2 he deals with another group, the judgmental moralists: those who, “pass judgment on someone else” (2:1 NIV).  Somewhere between the escort service and the church service there is the person who “points[his] finger at others” (2:1 MSG).

 "Therefore you have no excuse, O man, whoever you are, when you judge another; for in passing judgment upon him you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same things.” (RSV 2:1) 

Who is this person?  Is could be anyone (“O man, whoever you are”) who filters God’s grace through his own opinion.  Anyone who dilutes God’s mercy with his own prejudice.  He is the prodigal son’s elder brother who wouldn’t attend the party (see Luke 15:11-32).  He is the ten-hour worker, upset because the one-hour worker got the same wage (see Matt. 20:1-16). He is the fault- finding brother obsessed by his brother’s sins and oblivious to his own.     

Max Lucado~  In the Grip of Grace

I love his straightforwardness.  He calls it like it is because at one time or another we have all done the same thing.  We have all compared our faults, our sins to that of another person. We have all made judgment calls against someone without all the necessary facts. He says,

The easiest way to justify the mistakes in my house is to find worse ones in my neighbor’s house. 

-Max Lucado

The great thing about God is that this scam does not work. Comparing ourselves and withholding grace to another is wrong and we are accountable for our judgmental attitude. Here is what Paul says in Romans 2:2-4 (MSG)

But if you think that leaves you on high ground where you can point your finger at others, think again.  Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself.  It takes one to know one.  Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection of your own crimes and misdemeanors.  God isn’t so easily diverted.  He sees right through all the smoke screens and holds you to what you’ve done.  You didn’t think, did you, that just by pointing your finger at others you would distract God from coming down on you hard?  Or did you think that just because He’s such a nice God he’d let you off the hook?  Better think this one through from the beginning.  God is kind, but he’s not soft.  In kindness He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life change.

When the Holy Spirit lives within us, He touches those tender places in our heart revealing to us our sin when we begin to drift or turn away from God.  He leads us to repentance.  He also leads the right person to speak “forth the straight testimony.”   He sends someone who will speak truth, oftentimes-hard truth but one who will do so with great amounts of love and grace.  Someone who understands and has experienced His love and grace. Someone who has left judgement by the wayside and sees themselves just as unworthy of God's grace.

Be wary of those who claim to choose integrity yet live a life that is critical and judgmental.  They are wolves in sheep’s clothing.  

“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.  You can identify them by their fruit, by the way they act.  Can you pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles?  A good tree produces good fruit, a bad tree produces bad fruit.  A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit.  So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.”
Matthew 7:15-20

They are proclaiming a gospel that leaves little room for the amazing work Christ did upon the cross for everyone!

We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ.  And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.Romans 3:22

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Grace for Love

I have loved God for most of my life.  I prayed and asked Jesus in to my heart when I was nine years old. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday.  Oh the excitement!  I called everyone.  My grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and friends.  I wanted them all to know.  I understood who Jesus was in my life but the problem became that my approach to Him was one of a religious approach.  I based my relationship with Him on a list of things that I could and could not do and not what Jesus had already done for me through His work on the cross.  I used this system to judge those around me to determine whether they were “good” enough for me to befriend. That is religion. I was a “rule keeper.”  It was not until I reached my thirties that I realized how much I had missed the mark.  I did not understand grace to its fullest.

Back in New Testament times, Paul had his work cut out for him when he was given the job of preaching the gospel to the Jewish people.  They had spent years trying to keep the Law and spent years living under “the system” in which righteousness was attempted through what they did.  God had given Moses the Law (back in the Old Testament) so that one day the Jewish people would see their need for a Savior (Jesus) as they realized that there was absolutely no way they could not keep the Law on their own. 

For those who understand grace (what Christ died to give us) this is very good news. Everything that we receive from God is attained only by our faith in Jesus and nothing by what we do. However, to those religious people who feel they must "do" something this is not good news. Our human flesh cries out with the desire to have something to which we feel proud.  It wants credit for the right done when we get it right.  However, with God’s design, credit can never be given to man because Jesus has already done it all!  

So how do we steer clear of a religion that says do and instead focus on a relationship with Christ that says trust?  It starts with faith. Every gift we receive from God is attained by faith and not by works.  We certainly want to do good things to be a reflection of Christ but those things we do, "works" will not earn us any favor with God. He wants our works to come from a pure heart that is free of any motive in which we think we will receive more from Him. When we follow Christ, our heart desires to serve and love others so that they may know Him too.  Following Him makes us into lights of the world (Matthew 5:14) and people are watching. They are looking for vibrancy, love, peace and joy and those things cannot be reflected fully when we are following a set of rules.  Peace, love and joy are only truly reflected when Christ shines through us.

To illustrate the above we can look back to Moses when he came down from the mountain after receiving the Law (The Ten Commandments). He had been in the presence of God and because of this, his face shone with a glorious radiance.  Because his face shone, he wore a veil when talking to the people because over time the glory would fade.  The glory Moses enjoyed was not permanent. It was a “fading glory.” It came because Moses spent time with the Holy of Holies but once reunited with the rebellious hearts of the people, the glory on his face would fade.  The veil he wore represents separation.  The Law represents separation because the Law brings with it condemnation. In Paul’s writings to the Corinthians, we read that when the Law is read a veil lies over the hearts and minds of the people.”

But the people’s minds were hardened, and to this day whenever the old covenant is being read, the same veil covers their minds so they cannot understand the truth. And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ. Yes, even today when they read Moses’ writings, their hearts are covered with that veil, and they do not understand.

2 Corinthians 3:13-15

As long as we continue to read the Bible as Law, there will be something separating us from God and hindering us from having an intimate relationship with Him.  This means that we have to stop being “religious” or legalistic, and just come to Jesus. This means not hiding behind a veil of rules attempting to accomplish righteousness on our own instead of walking in an intimate relationship with Christ.  It is laying down all “my” works and seeing The Work that He did on the cross. We want the glory to shine on our faces permanently. And this only comes when we are walking with Christ. When we walk with Him, we are able to come into His presence just as we are with open hearts and unveiled faces and the glory becomes permanent, never fading away. 

My husband used to be a pastor - Part 1

I am married to an amazing man.  He is a man with a heart for people and love for the Lord.  My husband used to be a pastor.  Before we were married, he attended seminary, graduated with a masters degree and became a pastor.  He was married to someone else and living a life different from the life he lives now. That was a different time and he was a different person.

Not long ago the two of us were having a conversation about grace.  He shared with me a story about his time in seminary in which a friend of his fell into sin.  He shared that his (my husband’s) response along with responses of other friends to this friend in sin was lacking in grace.  He admitted that when it came to those “clearly in sin” his extension of grace fell short.  I knew him back in those days and though he was a “nice guy" I had a different opinion of him than I do today.  Back then my now husband could be rigid.  It felt like he was more into following a “religion” or system of rules and procedures in order to accomplish what God wanted him to do.  At the time, I had several friends with husbands in seminary and this seemed to be the general approach.  Nothing against seminary, but from what I encountered this seemed to be the trend of those in that circle.  They could be “super spiritual” while greatly lacking in the department of grace.  At the time that is how I felt about my now husband.

Religion can do that.  Religion is complicated because it becomes more about doing than trusting.  I found a quote that said, “Religion is man’s idea of God’s expectations.”  In the New Testament there were religious leaders who Jesus called vipers (Matthew 12:34) and whitewashed tombs (Matthew 23:27). They were Pharisees and were all about keeping the rules.  They had zero mercy and lacked compassion for those who chose not to follow their rules.  On top of it all, they had ungodly hearts. These men were legalistic and demanding. To them things had to be done a certain way, their way or they were not acceptable. That is a great description of religion.

Back to my husband who is now no longer a pastor and you may be asking why he is no longer a pastor. Spiritual burnout.  Several years ago, when his life began to fall apart he was “diagnosed” by his counselor with spiritual burnout and recommended by the counselor to resign from his church.  He did.  That may seem like a bold move over something that is simply called spiritual burnout. Maybe it was but it is something that is real.  It was something I had never heard of or knew anything about, so I researched it.  Spiritual burnout is a “disease” that at one time or another has probably plagued us all.  Spiritual burnout can be linked to following a religion.  It can be linked to thinking that we must “do” in order to gain God’s approval.  It is linked to having unrealistic expectations.  It is linked to unconfessed sin.  This “disease” is killing people.  Now I do not mean that people are physically dropping dead because of spiritual burnout, but I do believe that following a religion instead of investing in a relationship with Jesus Christ can eat away at us much like cancer, leaving us spiritually dead.

So how do we get this “disease?” Religion says that we have to find a way, no matter how difficult it may be, to keep the rules or we must accept the punishment.  We set unrealistic expectations upon ourselves.  We live a life trying to be perfect and attempting to do all the right things hoping for God’s approval and favor. It is a lot of exhausting work.  We seek out looking for God in an intimate way only to find that whatever religious community we are a part of is telling us that we need to “do” and “do” more of it in order to have that relationship.  We begin believing that we can only have that intimate relationship if we are good and doing all the “right things.” Religion, or legalism as it is also known, steals life. It is being overly concerned with keeping the rules and exalting those rules over a relationship with Christ. It does not nourish but instead drains us of life. When we follow “the Law” it kills, but when we follow the Spirit, we feel alive.

He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant, the Spirit gives life.

2 Corinthians 3:6

Trying to follow a religion leaves us unbalanced and we need balance.  We do not need to spend every day of the week participating in some church activity or function and then our remaining time sitting at home reading our Bibles.  Yes, we do need time with other believers and one on one time with God, but not in excess to the exclusion of everything else, not with the wrong motivation of following a list of rules, and not to the point where we are physically drained. Religious leaders tend to lead in this way.  This is not godly.  Satan is into excess.  It is his playground. When we get to doing something too much, it consumes us and leads us to spiritual burnout. When that happens, if left unchecked, it is the perfect opportunity to backslide.  We have to know when enough is enough.  We have to know when we are practicing a religion instead of nurturing an intimate relationship with Christ.

Dark World

Today I've been a little sad.  I've been thinking about some people in my life who do not understand grace.  It is has left me thinking a lot.  If we do not understand grace or cannot extend it to others, what does that say about our heart? What does it say about the gospel? What does it say about Christ's work upon the cross.  All my thinking led me back to something I wrote on April 23, 2011 and so I'm going to repost it today.  It is not some of the best writing but it came at a time in my life when I was really hurting and seeking out Truth and God answered.  




Article first published as The Dark of Legalism on Blogcritics.

this man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, “Rabbi, we know that You have come from God as a teacher; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him."

Jesus answered and said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God."

John 3:2-3

  Throughout my journey, I have discovered the Pharisees of my time.  I guess I always thought that the Pharisees were only men that existed back in the time of the Bible but I am learning that they walk the earth even today.

Pharisees are those that know all about rules and regulations. They believe that faith is a job.  They believe that how you act and what you wear are sure signs of your spiritual maturity. They focus on technique.

In the dark of night, a particular Pharisee, by the name of Nicodemus, approaches Jesus because he cannot be seen with Him. Nicodemus is curious about the ways of this simple carpenter.  He recognizes something within Jesus, a passion that he once knew but has lost.  I found that Nicodemus goes to Jesus in the dark of night fitting because I am learning that legalism, the way of the Pharisees, offers no true light. 

There are those that believe that grace is a job. It is about works and it has to be earned.  Jesus tells us that grace is a gift from the Father.  You believe one of two things about salvation; that it is based on the work you perform meaning our salvation becomes our responsibility or you accept it as a gift from God.  Do you know what that means if you believe that salvation comes from works?   It is saying that Christ was beaten and crucified for nothing.  That He was tortured and cursed for no reason.  It is such dark thinking but legalism is a dark world.

Those Pharisees of today know how to talk a good talk and walk a great walk.  From the outside, they sparkle and shine but something on the inside is missing.  They lack the joy of the Lord because they live in fear.  It is the fear that they will never be able to do enough and will continue to makes mistakes.

Legalism can be compared to that of a slow torture.  If you have never known the strike of legalism, be incredibly thankful that you have been spared.  Legalism will crush your dreams and smother your spirit.  It is just enough religion to keep you hungry but lacks real nourishment leaving you to starve.  You don’t starve alone though.  Your pastors do not know where to find the food that you crave either and so together, you all starve.  Your diet consists of rules that are bland and lack the vitamins needed to survive.  You are then left feeling that if you want to be a part of “this fellowship”, you had better follow the rules. 

That is the darkness of legalism.  It is rigid and lonely.  It does not need God.  There is no room for forgiveness.  It is a search for only those that are innocent.  You are constantly left defending and explaining yourself.  Legalists are fixated on themselves and not God. 

I found this description of Legalism:

It makes my opinion, your burden.  There is only room for one opinion, which makes me wrong.

My opinion opposes yours, which makes you question not only my right to have fellowship with you, but you question my salvation as well.

That Christians must toe the company line.  We are not to think but instead to follow.

Legalism places the fear of man within us and we become people pleasers.  I became a people pleaser.  Always worried what others were thinking.  Trying to follow all of the rules in order to be accepted.  Scared to death to speak my mind or share my opinion for fear of rejection.  Though I was uncomfortable, I stayed because it felt safe.  Though things did not always feel right, I knew better than to question those in leadership and chose to stay in step and march down the path of least resistance until God changed me.

To be honest, I did not really have a choice in the matter.  I shared my heart, which questioned a leader and whether his actions were Christ-like and was told that I no longer had the right to fellowship within the walls of the church.  My salvation was questioned as well.  That is legalism but I did not recognize it at first.  I truly believed what they were saying about me. In addition, it was not just the leaders saying these things. There were friends and family that made me feel the same way. 

Slowly God has been peeling away the film that has covered my eyes for so many years.  I began to see people, (friends, family, church people) in a completely new light.  Those who judge, condemn and have critical spirits are not spiritual.  They are legalistic.  Jesus reveals to us “our human life comes from human parents, but spiritual life comes from the Spirit.” (John 3:6) Our parents, our families, pass down our beliefs and traditions but it is up to us to choose what we will believe. Our spiritual life is not an endeavor we work for or an inheritance but instead it is rooted in the Holy Spirit.  Our achievements are created by God.  

Spirituality does not come because we attend church three times a week or do good deeds for others.  Salvation is Gods to give.  Grace was His idea and His sacrifice (His Son). He offers it to those that He chooses and when He chooses.   Our job then becomes to share with others.  NOT to screen people.

“The wind blows where it wants to and you hear the sound of it, but you don’t know where the wind comes from or where it is going.  It is the same with every person who is born from the Spirit.” (John 3:8)  The wind does not seek after our help in doing its work.  It is silent and invisible just like the Holy Spirit. Religious leaders like to control and manage.  Structure is a friend to the pastor but that does not mean that it is always the practice of God. 

Grace is God’s gift and legalistic thinking removes His gift.  God gives us salvation out of love.  He loves us so much that He gave up His One and Only Son so that whoever believes in Him will not be lost but have eternal life.  (John 3:16) There is no system, no rules or ritual.  It is about a relationship with the creator of the universe.  It is about a generous God who offers eternal life, not by what we achieve, succeed in or agree with but instead, by what we believe.