Fear. We all experience it. May even be crippled by it. It can consume and overwhelm us. Lead us to a very dark place. Make us doubt. Lose sight of what we know to be true.
A week ago today, fear gripped hold of me. Consumed by the darkness it created, I lost sight of a known truth in my life: God is in control.
After a frustrating morning of car issues and getting two kids to school my phone rang. Almost home I heard my daughter screaming into the phone something about her brother. Panic set in. A mom knows. Something was very wrong and I could feel it.
As I raced into the house, I found my little one hunched over on the bathroom floor. In that moment, my faith was forgotten. The cries of fear escaped my lips. As I repeated my little boy’s name over through the tears, I forgot Who was in control. Devastation and heartache of losing something I hold so dear consumed me and in an instant truth disappeared.
How quickly it happens. One wrong turn or unexplained event and we forget God’s goodness. All the good He’s given tossed out the window because of fear. Thoughts of it now lead to great feelings of frustration. These fearful moments are nothing new. I’ve experienced them before and trusted His hand in the past. Why now did I forget?
How easy it is to become distracted and lose sight of His face.
I am learning the importance of focusing on truth. Seeking His face. That morning frustration of a broken down car and an unplanned visit to carpool distracted me. I lost sight of the many other provisions God has placed in my life. Too busy focusing on the negative and the unknown, His peace had escaped me.
This is My command: be strong and courageous. Never be afraid or discouraged because I am your God, the Eternal One, and I will remain with you wherever you do.
Joshua 1:9
God was there. He had not left my side. But I had forgotten Him. Sitting in the back of an ambulance looking at my child as he cried, God’s presence overwhelmed me. As my little guy cried through big tears, “mommy, I’m scared” it all came back. My child needed me. In his moment of fear, my job was to comfort him. I needed to remember.
Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. Keep to the script: whatever you learned and received and heard and saw in me - do it - and the God of peace will walk with you.
Philippians 4:8-9
And in that moment a peace that passes all understanding rocked me to the core. As I took my little one’s face into my hands truth flowed from my lips, “sweet boy, God knew before we woke up this morning that this was going to happen. He is not surprised by it. He is right here with us and gave us these amazing firemen and paramedics to take care of you. After everything we’ve been through and seen God do, we are not going to doubt Him now.” And there He was. He hadn’t left even though I had forgotten.
And with that, all fear was gone. I remembered who holds not just my life but that of my children in His hands. Suddenly those tears that fell from my little one’s eyes disappeared and he smiled.
Bad and scary things happen. We will never escape them but there is someone who knows every detail and give us all we need if we just choose to trust Him in those moments. He has never failed me. Not once. Though I often lose sight of Him, He never lets go of me.
You see all things;
You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;
Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;
You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the
sweetness of it.
Your thoughts and plans are treasures to me, O God! I cherish each
and every one of them!
How grand in scope! How many in number!
If I could count each of them, they would be more than all the
grains of sand on earth. Their number is inconceivable!
Even when I wake up, I am still near to You.
Psalm 139:16-18
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