Defeat of the Monster

The darkness weighs heavy.  The silence, almost deafening. You step out into the sunlight only to find that the world you once knew, gone. Darkness distorts the landscape and faces encircling you. You begin walking, looking for something familiar only to find that you have stumbled into a world far from the one you once lived.

Familiarity and safety have evaporated into lingering moments of fear and isolation. Before you drifted off to sleep the night before, the world appeared normal. However, during the night, while you slept, something happened.  Everything changed.

While you slept, he slithered from under your bed and began to gnaw away at any semblance of normalcy you once knew.  The hiss of his lies filled the ears of the eagerly awaiting crowds as they devoured away at the gossip that allowed them to forget their own troubles for the moment. Suspicion and judgement crept into their minds as darkness began to make its way into the world you once lived.

And now, here you stand, alone and unable to recognize the landscape where you once found safety.  Everything has changed. The monster surfaced while you slept and succeeded with his plan to kill and destroy anything daring to step into his path.

This is your life. As you stand in horror and watch it begin to crumble you hear their shouts of betrayal.  “Slanderer, Glutton, Unfit Mother, Adulterer, Drug Addict, Alcoholic!” Their chant rings through the streets as you stand in silence and disbelief.

While you were sleeping, sides were taken.  You never even stood a chance.  Defeat was determined the moment the monster spoke.

Standing alone, the cold trickle of betrayal makes its presence known. You part your lips to speak only to realize no one is listening. The hour of escape has passed.  Your moment of being heard, long gone.

But then, you hear a sound.  A faint whisper. You turn, searching for the object of its origin. But nothing. The words barely audible. You close your eyes and focus. You stand and wait.

The noise of the crowd is maddening. The chaos is crippling. If the noise would only stop, if even for just a moment. And then, it happens. That voice, you hear it again.  It is as if you have been picked up and placed miles away from the crowd. The silence is beautiful as the melodic words fill the air.  Warmth invades your heart as you hear, “You are Mine. I have you!”

The voice is undeniable. You recognize the love, and the peace as the words fall over you. The sound of His voice offers hope to the anxious feelings of your heart as you realize, He is here!

The monster will not win.  Victory does not belong to those who seek evil. Yes, the monster will create chaos and leave a wake of destruction in his path, but he cannot destroy you. 

You, my darling sister, are a daughter of the King.  He holds you in His mighty hand and covers you with the feathers of His faithfulness and love.  The darkness that surrounds you is only temporary.  Yes it is dark and cold but it has a purpose.  God has a plan.  He is going to use you.  He is going to raise you up.  He is going to take every broken piece that the monster has destroyed and restore it. But not just restore it.  He is going to redeem your story and give you wings that will allow you to soar above the chaos and see His hand at work. 

My darling sister, it will take time.  It will be difficult. This kind of transformation is never easy but the reward will be great.  You will witness the power of God hand in a way that you never thought possible.  You might not witness the demise of your monster but you will be in the hands of the most High and you will experience His love, His grace and His faithfulness in  way that will change you forever. 

Hold on tight my beloved sister. Your journey has just begun.  The road will be rocky and the storms will rage but when the sun appears, you will know, you have been rescued!

Who will back me up when evildoers come against me?
    Who is willing to take my side against the wicked?
 If the Eternal had not come to my rescue,
    my soul would have descended to the land where death silences every voice.
When I said, “My foot is slipping!”

    Your unfailing love, O Eternal One, held me up.
When anxiety overtakes me and worries are many,
    Your comfort lightens my soul.

But the Eternal has been my citadel;
    my God, a sure safe haven.

Psalm 94:16-19, 22

What I wish my friends knew....

I wasn’t always this person. The one full of doubts questioning whether or not you would stick around.  I wasn’t always the person whose tears fell  so easily. And I wasn’t the person who kept people at arm’s length. Instead, I was once the one who greeted everyone I met, including the strangers, with a hug. 

Walking away from abuse does not mean you lose the scars that have formed.  It also doesn’t mean an instant healing of the heart. Sadly, life goes from constant chaos to an unsettling state of silence which takes years to understand in a world that can be insensitive to those who spent years enslaved in emotional bondage.

For now,  life has become a struggle.  A constant battle to find the good in those around us. To trust that those we meet have pure intentions not wanting to take something from us through control or manipulation.

We live with the obstacles of continuing triggers that remind us of the past, the trauma we experienced. Nightmares that wake us, leaving us exhausted when sleep can’t be found.  There are moments of fear that creep into our mind and fits of panic that steal our breath away which fill the hours of our days more frequently than we like.

The constant need to explain ourselves as the flood of emotions we face leave us overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. The moments of turning inward as the waves of self-doubt creep into our minds and leave us with feelings of emptiness. The embarrassment of crying yet again, from something as simple as a glass of spilled milk, sends us scrambling for a safe place to hide.

If we could only make those around us understand what we’ve been through and the way our journey changed us from the fun loving, friendly and outgoing person we once were to the now guarded and anxious person we are today, life might be a little simpler.

If only our friends could accept the person we are today.  To not question our every motive,  reaction or moment of silence.  To understand that our thought process is nothing like their own as we no longer see the world through the rose colored glasses we once did. But instead, every situation meticulously dissected.

If only our friends understood the constant struggle our minds face as we attempt to navigate the relationships that surround us. If only they could see the ongoing battle with thoughts that still linger from years living surrounded by uncertainty then things might be a little easier.

Oh the things I wish my friends knew. But truly, more than anything, I wish they could know that girl, the one back then who always had a smile on her face and saw the good in everyone.  She might have been a bit naïve and trusted people more than she should but she was full of life and radiated joy.  Maybe one day, these friends will get a glimpse of that girl as their friendship and patience begins to restore the crushed and broken pieces of me. 

An open letter to the leaders who cast us aside

Originally published on Give Her Wings

This letter is for those in church leadership who cast us aside when we needed you the most.  For those in leadership who were duped by those who used you the way in which they used us. For those leaders whose spiritual abuse left us broken and doubting.

You see, you were fooled into believing whatever story they wanted to spin. A pawn in their disturbing game of  control and manipulation. Without a second thought, you listened to their stories, accepted every tear, and acknowledged their “I’m sorry” as genuine repentance.

You chose to distance yourself from reality, the darkness covering our home.  You avoided the opportunity to investigate further into the truth, to invest more deeply in the lives affected, but instead, chose the bliss of ignorance and the ease of assumption.  You were swayed by gossip and lies, and you ignored the warning of Scripture not to judge a matter without hearing all parties (Proverbs 18:13). You foolishly assigned blame apart from the facts.  Apart from knowledge.  Apart from relationship.

For some, as leaders, your pride stood in the way of pursuing the truth.  A need to protect your persona and the image of a building prohibited you from doing the difficult stuff.  From failing to investigate the truth from fiction or taking the necessary steps to defend those lost within such a dark situation, your lack of concern left us broken and crushed while doubting our faith.

For those leaders who dismissed us as being excessive in our sensitivity or reluctant to submit to the headship of our husband, this letter is for you.  For those who accused of us doing something that caused the abuse or by telling us we needed to have more sex with our spouse, this too is for you.  And for those who repeatedly told us, “Your spouse is not the enemy.  Do not allow the real enemy to destroy your family,” your words only served to aid the abuser in destroying us in even greater ways.

Understand, we were fully aware of the true enemy and to this day because of shared children, we still face our enemy on a daily basis.  You see, for us, our spouse was and remains the enemy.  He was a man being used by the true enemy to oppress, berate, demean and abuse.  Our spouse spoke the name of Jesus to those he needed to impress, but his actions, the actions we witnessed, confirmed otherwise.

For us, it took time to wrap our heads around the truth of our situation.  For us, all we could hear were your accusing words informing us we were the problem.  No matter how many prayers we prayed, questions we asked, counseling sessions we attended, we were not fighting hard enough or praying loud enough.  You left us burdened by the weight of our heartache and believing we were the cause.

As if the despair we felt for our decaying family was not enough, you heaped sorrow upon our suffering while drenching our open wounds with feelings of guilt and shame.  And then you handed our abuser the match leaving him to devour what was left of our broken spirits.

But God!  You see, He steps in when others walk away.  Truthfully, He never leaves, but instead, because of those thundering opinions around us, we often lose track of His voice.  However, rest assured, when He speaks, He calms the storm and reminds us exactly who is in charge and who wrote The Book.

He reminds us that abusers live in a consistent pattern of sin which according to scripture, means they are not a Christian.  Instead, a true Christian is one who struggles with sin, yet hates it and pursues forgiveness from God.  This is not the way of our abuser.  Numerous passages speak to this truth.  Here are a few.Psalm 50:16-22, John 13:34-35, Romans 8:3-9.

For those in leadership, the ones who have been given charge over the sheep, to each pastor and elder who walked hand in hand professing to the do the work of God, hear our voices as we beg of you, please educate yourself.

With that said, if you as leaders are striving to accomplish what God has called you to, please, do not demand that we return to our abuser.  As a shepherd, your job becomes that of protecting your sheep, especially the weak ones, which means not sending us back to the wolf.  And by all means, refrain from using Matthew 18 as a way to manipulate us into doing it your way.  More often than not, this passage lacks relevancy to our situation for the reason that our abuser is not a Christian.  See 1 John 3:6-10.

So it is not hard to figure out who are the children of God and who are the children of the diabolical one: those who lack right standing and those who don’t show love for one another do not belong to God.

1 John 3:10

As the Body of Christ, it should be your mission to protect those who have been harmed by abuse.  1 Corinthians 12 speaks of the Body of Christ saying that if one member of the body hurts, all members hurt.  The church should be a safe haven for victims and not a place of safe hiding for the evilness of the prowling wolf leaving the broken sheep to scatter.

As leadership you should understand the strategy of the wolf.  His gameplay of fake repentance.  The tears he will shed, the walks to the altar at the conclusion of a service for all to see.  He will play you. 

However, until you witness true repentance, repentance that involves claiming his actions instead of blaming his victim or minimizing his own actions, requesting genuine spiritual accountability, seeking out the service of a true professional in the psychiatric field, you should stay away.

Now understand, we as survivors realize God can change anyone.  That there are men who have repented and now walk with Jesus. Nevertheless, we need you to understand this, a man must be willing to submit to God and allow God to transform his heart.  A simple prayer asking for forgiveness through streaming tears, which we have witnessed thousands of times, does not confirm that change.

In conclusion, I leave you, the church leadership who cast us aside, with these words, be aware of the problem.  Understand the countless facets of domestic and spiritual abuse.  Do your research. Become educated.

And for the lives of the precious children involved, do not counsel couples where claims of abuse are made.  Instead, admit to your lack of training in this area and work with these couples in seeking out those qualified and trained to diagnose and counsel those in need of dealing with this growing problem found in our churches.

And to those who were cast aside, God is good.  He is faithful.  He will envelope us with His love and shower us with His grace.  Just trust His hand and allow His voice alone to lead.

With love,

Those who’ve been enveloped by His love

An open letter to those who left us behind

This letter is a difficult one to write as the betrayal and the heartache you added to our lives was unexpected causing  greater pain to overcome.

Realize, when the time came to leave, we expected nothing less than what we experienced from our abuser.  We had lived with them long enough that we understood their behavior and had an idea of the firestorm we would face.

Yes, they caught us off guard at times because no one would have ever guessed what great lengths they would take to win. However, those who rallied around them, left us speechless. For each of you, the forgiveness and feelings of anger will take longer to overcome.

 

You see, for every phone call you answered, each text message or email you replied to empowered our abuser even more. With every word you listened to, you worked to increase the control of the monster as he grew stronger and more domineering.

As you chose "not to take a side" since you “loved us both,” you only encouraged the abuse instead of standing against what was wrong.  Regardless of the gossip or the embellished truth spread, you were responsible to pursue truth and by choosing to remain neutral, you too became a part of the abuse.

Now understand, we are grown women and though we were damaged by all we endured, we can heal and eventually forgive you for the portion you played.  We have learned we are strong and tougher than we thought but we are not lacking scars from damage done. 

 

However, the abuse sustained by our children because of your "neutrality" is a different story.

And so, on behalf of our children, for those who supported the abuser, we beg of you, educate yourself.  Take the time to read, to study and to talk to those who have walked in our shoes. You will probably be surprised to hear the countless stories of those who have been left to fight alone and whose stories mimic our own.

Spend time studying God's word and understand just what scripture says in regards to oppression (Zachariah 7:10, Psalm 72:4, Psalm10:17-18) and lying (Proverbs 12:17, Proverbs 12:22, Ephesians 4:29).  Read up on words such as narcissist and abuse. Educate yourself.

For each of you, this letter serves as our way to say two simple words, become informed.  Understand the characteristics and tactics used by an abuser.  Investigate words such as gaslighting and manipulation so that you understand the way in which this game is played.  And yes, a game because for them, it becomes all about winning. 

Choose a side from a position of being well-informed which will leave you aware of what is truly happening.  Base your choice on what you knew to be true of the character of those involved and not just hearsay and gossip. And above all else, pray.  God is a God of wisdom and discernment. It is amazing the way in which He will open your eyes to the truth if you just ask. 

Maybe one day we will live in a world where a woman can find the help and support she and her children need, but until then, take time to understand the various forms and tactics of abuse.  

We have confidence in knowing God is faithful and He WILL rescue those oppressed and suffering from abuse because we have experienced it first hand. His justice will see to it that those who have caused harm answer for the wrong done.  And He most definitely will restore the lives of those who were betrayed, abandoned and crushed accomplishing it in such a way that only HE can claim the glory!

Anyone who does wrong will be paid his due because He doesn't play favorites,

Colossians 3:25

In the end, we would like to ask for your forgiveness.  Please forgive us if we are hesitant to share our lives with you. Please forgive our reluctance in trusting you with our children or our hearts. We no longer give of ourselves so freely.

Now we leave you with one simple request. God forbid, should another individual in your life ever approach you with claims of abuse as we did, do not ignore them.  Listen.  Believe. Choose a side.

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King Jr

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr

With love,

Those you left behind

Helpful resources

How to help an abuse victim

An open letter to the men we thought we knew.

To the men we thought we knew,

This letter has been a long time in the making. But today, we say our peace. 

Today we speak from a heart no longer full of hatred and anger, but instead forgiveness and love.

Today, we begin with two simple words; thank you.

Never would we have imagined a time when the pain you caused could be appreciated. The strength to trudge through the heartache of  another day of you was believed impossible.  However, our strength surprised us and we survived. It was because of you we were pushed to the point of recognizing, we are strong!

For the extensive list of labels you gave us, to every demeaning email, sent text and phone call you made to those we knew, we thank you. 

From stalking and spying neighbors working to instill fear and leaving us peering over our shoulder, scared to leave home, we thank you.

For broken spirits which left us unrecognizable to those who truly knew and loved us,  to making us question our sanity and all we knew to be true, we thank you. 

For involving not only our friends, but family and church as you worked to alienate us, leaving us abandoned and betrayed, we thank you.

For spending tens of thousands of dollars on expensive attorneys instead of financially providing for our children, the innocent ones you promised to provide for, we thank you.  For caring more about winning a battle than demonstrating true character and integrity for our children, we thank you.

As you left us alienated while you surrounded yourself with those we once called friends and family, we finally understood the true meaning of love and friendship.  You helped us identify the pointlessness of shallow and toxic relationships as we finally recognized that a handful of friends are all we truly need.

You see, for what felt like forever, our hearts burned with rage so deep that the idea of extinguishing the flames seemed impossible. You left our world feeling dark and lonely as we withdrew deep within ourselves to the point of losing our sense of self.  We became shells of the women we once were believing we had no purpose and were beyond love.  Thank you for bringing us to this  breaking point. 

For all these things, we owe you our sincerest gratitude.  You brought the old cliché to life, because truly what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.  You brought God's word to life  as we saw verses in Genesis and Exodus come to life as we trusted God to fight our battle and reveal truth.

Even though you intended to harm me, God intended it only for good, and through me, He preserved the lives of countless people, as He is still doing today.

Genesis 50:20

The Eternal will fight on your behalf while you watch in silence.

Exodus 14:14

Though we fought through a battle we were unprepared to fight, we have transformed into princess warriors who are stronger than we ever thought possible.

You left us frightened, cold and completely alone, longing and waiting to be rescued.  We were weighed down by the heaviness of all we endured and believed we would drown. But to our surprise,  we were rescued.


We were rescued by a love we never expected. A love unlike any other as Jesus picked up every broken piece you created and He not only restored those pieces but He reworked them into an amazingly beautiful masterpiece of His love and grace.

He came in and redeemed, rescued and restored all those things within us you tore apart.  He worked within our hearts to remind us of our true identity as He whispered, with gentleness and affirmation that we belonged to Him.

Through it all, we have changed.  We are now strong.   Because of you a passion has been reawakened. One that once burned deep within us that was forgotten.   You brought back that nine year old little girl who once ran through the yard with her toy gun and badge fighting for truth and justice.

Everything has changed. We no longer  see the world as “flesh to flesh and mess to mess” but instead “spirit to spirit.” We recognize that you are no different than us.  You too, just like us, with your flaws, sins and all, are loved by God. You too, just like us, deserve forgiveness and prayers and healing.  Understanding that truth, we now let go of the hatred, not just for you, but for all those who followed and supported you and today, we choose to love.

We are no longer the person you tirelessly spent working to destroy, we are stronger.  We are fighters.  We are proof that God makes beauty out of ashes.

We now love in a healthy way.  Our idea of trust has shifted and we no longer trust as we once did, but instead allow a select few within our walls.  We view the world from a totally new perspective, for you helped to open our eyes to true beauty, truth and loyalty. For each of these things, we say thank you!

We truly wish the best for you and will never forget this journey and the path  that led us to the hope and love that is Jesus.  And for it all, we again say thank you.

The women you thought you knew

Left only with a story...

People have stories to tell.  Real life experiences that have left hearts pierced and broken. Experiences which many wish could be left behind and never revisited, however, it isn’t that simple.

Abuse comes in various forms.  It knows no boundaries.  It can strike any home, at any moment, no matter social status, race or gender.

For women, if often involves their greatest treasure, their children.  These priceless treasures will turn women into a mighty warrior princess.  No battle too immense to fight when the lives of those treasured little ones are at stake.

However, for many, these women must fight alone.  They remain on the battlefield to fight the enormous giant before them with nothing but their story.  And there in turn lies the problem when dealing with the abusive giant; her story is not enough.

This world is incredibly unfair.  Things are often backwards and justice often, does not prevail.  For the most part, the wolves, the abusers, typically win.

The countless stories that could be shared remain untold.  Numerous children harmed due to a broken system which chooses to protect the “rights of a parent” instead of the welfare of a child. Money speaks loudly in the American court system and those who have it, more often than not, win.

Children are ripped from the arms of a loving mama who has walked away from abuse to protect them.  Women without the necessary means to financially fight against the wolf, watch as the very ones they fight to protect are handed over to the wolf and nothing can be done.  All they have to fight with are their words.

Can you understand the difficulty establishing abuse with only stories and words to share? No bruises.  No signs of a physical fight.  No pictures to prove the damage. Abuse is difficult to substantiate when there is nothing to see.

The scars of emotional, verbal and mental abuse cut deep into the soul.  They leave scars, which take years to heal. As a woman begins to describe her pain, forming the words are near impossible.  How do put into words the lies, manipulation, constant put-downs, the doubting, the gaslighting?  How does one explain with words what is taking place behind the closed doors of the home that cannot be seen with the eyes?

A woman walks into a courtroom assuming justice will come.  Praying that relief will arrive for her children.  A woman walks into a courtroom believing that this judge will witness the mask worn by the wolf.  Will he hear her pleas and protect her children?  Sadly and horrifically, it doesn’t happen.

The wolf can afford expensive attorneys.  The wolf holds the key to the finances.  He holds down the home.  This woman has cared for her home and family for years.  She attempts to create a safe home full of love, nevertheless at her own expense.  She stands unprepared for the battle both emotionally and financially.

A woman who has endured years of abuse cannot fight against a wolf.  The wolf has brainwashed her into believing she is not good enough.  Made her believe that everything happening is her fault.  She is definitely the cause of the abuse.  And the court system in this country works right alongside of the wolf. Equipping and enabling the continued abuse.

As I write, I hear of another story of a woman who left abuse only to have her children ripped away by another judge.  A wolf has accused her of being unfit, being an adulterous wife while being a drunk and has won.  A wolf will execute whatever plan necessary to disparage the character of the one in which he is losing control over and will stop at nothing until he has his way.  Even at the expense of his children.

Each day another family is torn apart by domestic violence. Children remain forced to live with the wolf where the abuse continues and another woman is left to pick up the broken pieces of her life from the malicious attack.  Countless scars left to heal.

There is much work to be accomplished.  People who need to be educated, especially within our court systems.  Awareness must come in order for change to happen.  Will you take the time to educate yourself?  Educate yourself so that when the day comes that you are faced with a friend or loved one asking for your help, you are prepared to answer the call.

Visit Giveherwings.com today to learn more about how you can help a mama fighting against abuse.

Love is patient; love is kind.  Love isn't envious, doesn't boast, brag, or strut about. There's no arrogance in love; it's never rude, crude, or indecent- it's not self-absorbed.  Love isn't easily upset. Love doesn't tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth-yes, truth-is love's delight!  Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trust, hopes and endures no matter what.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Can you imagine: Tall Tails, Wolves and Accusations

Imagine with me for a moment, this story of a young girl.  A young girl walks into a small store with a short list of things to buy.  She gingerly picks up a shopping basket and smiles at the young person working in the produce department.  The same young person who is stocking produce every Wednesday she visits the store. As they exchange a friendly hello she winds her way through the store placing each of her items in the basket.  She makes her way to the front of the store ready to checkout where she is greeted by the young cashier who helps her each week.  Check out is quick and as she offers a friendly goodbye, she picks up her bags and heads to the car.  

The parking lot is quiet but as she unlocks the car door she hears a voice yell, “stop!”  Turning, she sees the young produce person running toward her. “That’s not your bag!”  She looks down in confusion. Suddenly, multiple people approach her car and her head begins to whirl as confusion fills the air. Each person is yelling something different but all accusing her of the same thing.  Stealing from the store.

The world begins to spin as her cheeks flood with heat.  These people know her.  She is in their store every week.  They know she would never steal anything.  She quickly hands over her bags as the manager grabs them from her hands.  Tears spill down her cheeks.  How could they assume such things about her?  Suddenly what was a quiet parking lot has now turned into a dramatic production.  People are watching, pointing, and whispering.  The young girl is shaken and humiliated.  What just happened?

To find out more about this story visit Give Her Wings

With Love, The Adulterous Woman

Not many will understand or may have experienced the certain pain which comes from the betrayal left behind by those we once loved as they walked away.  

For me, the wounds created began with the title, adulterer.  Stories were told while the people in my life clutched hold of gossip and walked away.  I patiently waited.

Rumors spread like wildfire.  Whispers full of judgement and raised eyebrows brought pain that couldn’t be ignored.  I patiently waited.

The echos of the world yelled fight back.  
God said, "Be still."  

My children cried at the cruelty caused by ignorance.  I patiently prayed.  

From court hearings where lies were spoken, to documents where history was rewritten, the fire grew tall and the smoke suffocatingly thick.  I patiently waited.

Friend you know the pain.  You’ve sat in that same cold courtroom listening to the words of betrayal. The feelings of darkness and isolation pulsating from the other side leave you bewildered and questioning your own sanity. You know the dark filled lonely nights full of tears crying out to God for His rescue.  You too have heard Him say, “Be still and wait.”

Waiting.  The hardest part of waiting when you have been trampled on, talked about, lied about, and labeled, becomes that of waiting. The longer you wait, you begin to believe the lies. The longer you wait, you begin to accept the titles. For me, my title became the adulterous woman.  But God.

Through all the name calling and shunning, I found something.  I found a love like no other. In the midst of pain, I became desperate.  A mighty thirst for genuine community grew deep within my heart.  I wanted to know the love and loyalty of a true friend. I prayed and patiently waited.

Suddenly, a door opened and a glorious light shined into my loneliness.  As He walked through the door, Jesus wiped away every tear and began mending my broken heart.  As He wrapped me in His arms, enormous love and kindness filled His eyes as He said, "You are MINE."

This man began picking up every piece of my broken heart and meticulously worked them into something new.  As He worked, He spoke to my broken heart.  "You are my beloved child."  

How had I forgotten?  

For the first time in too many years, my heart began to beat again as the healing words of His truth and love were spoken into my life. His presence and peace overwhelmed me. He cast aside those “names” given by others and replaced them with "Daughter of The One True King." 

You see it is easy to be defined by the words of others.  It is easy to fall prey to the attacks of the enemy as he works to discourage and torment leaving us to forget our true identity.  

It is easy to forget that sin is sin.  Gossip, lies and betrayal. No one is without sin and no amount of “good works” makes us any better than another. The enemy points to our sin and calls us failure but Jesus redeems and calls us His own.

So from one sinner to another and from one who has been redeemed and restored, take the childish playground name calling and untold truths in stride. Don’t allow it to define you.  Remember who you are and to Whom you belong.  He knows every heart and every thought.  He knows what has happened behind closed doors.  He knows every ounce of pain and every tear that has fallen. He will rectify all the wrong that has been done.  He makes all things new because His mercies are new every morning.  

Wait patiently and trust His timing.  Allow Him to fight for you because in the end, I can promise you, He will give back to you all that was taken and so much more.  When we walk with Him and choose good over evil, we win! Just have faith my sweet friend <3

With Love,

a Daughter of the One True King

“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”

Exodus 14:14

Mr. Grey, Freddy Krueger and A Pair of Wings

Ok all my friends out there...especially those who secretly bought Fifty Shades of Grey electronically so no one would know. Yeah you wink emoticon I know you're out there because I saw you liked the Fifty Shades of Grey Facebook Page smile emoticon

So now that you've supported the book, it is time to step up and help women who have left abusive relationships. It is time to put away your book and stand up for the oppressed. We need YOUR help as we raise support for our mama for the month of March. For anyone who knows my story, this is her story too. So help us love on a very deserving mama and her babies.

Visit Give Her Wings and make your donation. For any size donation you will receive a FREE copy of Give Her Wings: Help and Healing after abuse. An amazing book that brought tremendous healing to this mama's heart.

Learn to do good;

commit yourselves to seeking justice.

Make right for the world's most vulnerable-

the oppressed, the orphaned, the widow.

Isaiah 1:17

And you DO NOT want to miss this video!!

"In real life, Mr. Grey is really Freddy Krueger."

Fifty Shades Challenge

If you keep finding yourself on this post, you should definitely check out some of the others posts on this blog.  Click HERE to read more <3  Enjoy!!

We are a week away from the release of the Shades of Grey movie. I know there are many excited and eagerly awaiting the premiere of this popular book as seen by the excitement on my daily FB feed. However I would like to challenge my friends to do something.

I have not read the book and I will not be seeing the movie. I have heard and seen enough from the movie trailer to know it is not something I should be watching or reading. Mommy porn is still porn and abuse is still abuse whether it's made to look exciting in a movie or a book. 

Right now there are many mamas and their babies struggling to survive after leaving an abusive marriage. Many who have had to deal with a husband abusing them sexually not to mention physically, emotionally and verbally and they need your help. We at Give Her Wings need your help in order to help these mamas. So here is a suggestion which my fellow team member Tammy posted yesterday. Would you consider, instead of supporting pornography, donating the money you would have spent on your movie ticket to Give Her Wings in order to help a mama who has suffered abuse at the hands of another human being for years?

Right now we have a mama for the month of March who needs our help and is still under attack from her abuser. Today I am challenging you to give your $10 movie ticket money to Give Her Wings for the provision of this mama instead of the ongoing issue of pornography in this country? Please pray and if you're willing to give I ask you to visit our website and make a donation.

Give Her Wings 

Thank you for your consideration 

<3 Nicole 

And while you're at it...visit the website tradeyourshades.com and take advantage of their great deal to trade in your Fifty Shades Of Grey book for the book Pulling Back the Shades. 

A New Identity, A Pair of Broken Wings and One Great Hope

Seven years ago, writing became a big part of my life.  I did not know the purpose or reason at the time but God did.  He was aware of my impending storm and prepared me for the road ahead.  

If you have never dealt with divorce, it is hard to understand the emotions involved and even harder to relate.  There is so much pain from feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, feelings of betrayal, fear and hurt that never seem to end.  For me, except for my parents and siblings as well a dear friend who lived two minutes from my home, I was alone. My church, my closest friends and my extended family abandoned me.  At a time when love and support were needed, I found none. It was not only lonely but scary.

After the trials and storms, He has given me a place and a purpose to be for others what I did not have. By sharing His love, His grace and His hope, I can help women who are not just suffering from the loss of their marriage but struggling to find their "new" identity.

Throughout the last few years I have encountered many women whose experiences were much like mine.  Recognizing their pain and being aware of how much it happens, leaves me with a great desire to offer encouragement to those hurting.  I want them to know they are not alone and they have a great HOPE.

Several months ago, I commented on a Facebook post of a friend. That same day I received a friend request from someone I did not know who had also left a comment.  Because we had several mutual friends I accepted and God began a work. Little did I know the way in which He was working, orchestrating a new journey for me.  

As I visited the profile of my new friend, I discovered that my beautiful new friend Megan and her husband are part of an incredible ministry, Give Her Wings.   While reading about this ministry, their mission and purpose left me overcome with gratitude. The mission:  Helping to give specific mothers who have left abusive situations a chance to get on their feet...to breathe...to heal their broken wings and fly free again.   Being one who understands and is passionate to serve those women who are left to start over, I wanted to help.  I wanted to do what they were doing but I was only one person. I didn’t even know how to start such an undertaking.

Time passed but the feelings grew stronger. It took time for me to recognize the nudging of the Holy Spirit to contact Megan.  I didn’t know what to say but began by sharing my story and desire to be a part of this amazing work God was doing through them. Much to my surprise my message was met with such encouragement.  God opened doors and made it clear that this ministry, Give Her Wings, was where He wanted me.  

Less than a month ago I received a special gift in the mail that touched my heart. Megan has written an amazing book also titled Give Her Wings.  This incredible book brought so much healing as the words spoke such truth and love as well as encouragement. It was filled with clarity, compassion and hope and helped to free me from the struggle of guilt I often experience. It is a great resource filled with practical advice for mamas searching for answers in what can be such a dark journey while giving excellent and much needed advice and wisdom to those walking alongside those dealing with abuse. It is a much needed resource for an area that is greatly lacking in many churches and one every pastor should read. To learn more about her book or to pick up a copy for yourself, click here.

So if you have made it this far into this post I have something for you to consider.  Right now as you are reading, someone’s name has probably come to mind. Someone in your life is dealing with a struggling marriage or with abuse.  With that said, I would like to ask something of you because there is something you can do.

First, you can pray. Whoever God has placed on your heart, say a prayer. You don't need details because God knows. Realizing the struggle is more than enough.  It simply takes a minute to pray. Mamas and their babies (even the husbands) who are dealing with this battle need to be covered in prayer. These families need to be loved on and shown that they are not alone.  And we can intercede on their behalf by lifting them up in prayer.  

My second request is for you to visit the website Give Her Wings. The purpose of Give Her Wings is to raise gifts and money for mothers who have left abusive situations. Oftentimes, when a woman leaves an abusive marriage, she narrowly escapes with little more than her children and the clothes on her back. Give Her Wings desires to do all they can to help specific mothers who are living in very poor conditions presently.  Once there you can read more about the ministry as well blog posts and updates on mamas who have been helped. There is also a place to donate and support the ministry as well as nominate a mama you may know who needs help.  

There is so much hurting in our world.  So many people left without hope. People need to be reminded of our mighty God who loves and longs to walk alongside them through the darkest storms in life.  To know that we, the Church, are here to love and walk with them. We need to be the light. We need to be on mission.  We are called to care for those around us who are hurting and in need.

Help me take the first step in making a difference. Visit GiveHerWings.com and see what part you can play in making a difference in the lives of those who need our help to heal their broken wings and fly free again.  Thank you in advance for your help as we make a difference in a world that often can be dark.

Can I go anywhere apart from you Spirit?

Is there anywhere I can go to escape Your watchful presence?

If I go up into Heaven, You are there.

If I make my bed in the realm of the dead, You are there.

If I ride on the wings of morning,

if I make my home in the most isolated part of the ocean,

Even then You will be there to guide me;

Your right hand will embrace me, for You are always there.

Even if I am afraid and think to myself, “There is no doubt that the darkness will swallow me,

the light around me will soon be turned night,”

You can see in the dark, for it is not dark to Your eyes.

For You the night is just as bright as the day.

Darkness and light are the same to Your eyes.

Psalm 139:7-12