Restless: Going, Going, GONE!

Artwork by Gabby

I’m supposed to be writing an essay right now.  My hubby will laugh when he reads this because I’ve been putting off this week the start of said essay.  I promise this post is not an attempt at procrastination but instead will lead to the great creativity needed to produce said essay.  

My mind on overdrive has left me lost in thought and dwelling on the greatest of my God.  He overwhelms me. Daily.

For over a year I was restless.  I woke up each day wondering what was next for me.  I had lost my sense of purpose but had to find it.  

For months my poor husband listened as I shared every idea that popped into my head.  

Maybe we are supposed to lead a small group?  Or plant a church? Are we supposed to move away? How about start a business? 

I was sure God had something planned but what? Frustration consumed me. Irritated and cranky described me.  I needed a purpose.

“Just ask and it will be given to you; seek after it and you will find.  Continue to knock and the door will be opened for you.”  

Matthew 7:7

What a concept.  Just ask.  Jesus taught if we ask, He’ll direct us.  I needed His direction.   I could run a million ideas by my hubby but until I asked the One who holds my life in His hands I wouldn’t find an answer.  So I did.

In my past life church work and motherhood consumed the hours of my days.  Each week responsibilities and activities filled my calendar.  I kept busy.  I felt I had purpose  because I kept busy. A busy life distracted me from my mess of a life back then.  It worked.  Until it fell apart.

As I left my old life, drama surrounded me.  Scary things constantly happening.  Each day waking with unknown evil lurking around the corner.  My days filled with worry.  Worry distracted me.  It worked.  Until God redeemed, restored, and gave my life a new purpose.

Which brings me to today.  A year spent in a restless state of wonder.  What did God want from me? What was the next step?  

I can honestly answer I still have no idea.  But I made the choice to approach my questions a different way.  I made the choice and said, Here am I.  Use me.   As I sought after His plan for me, doors opened.  Lots of doors bringing healing, purpose and excitement to my life.  The restlessness disappeared.

I once wore the hats of Jesus follower and mom.  I now wear the hats of Jesus follower, wife, mom, part-time nanny, college student, team ministry member and small group leader.  Can I tell you those last four hats came together at the same time.  God opened those doors all at once and instantly filled the restlessness that has consumed me for so long.  

With each new hat brings new ways to share Him and my part of His story.  Opportunities to see that everything I went through had purpose.  

God is amazing!  He works behind the scenes doing things unknown to us but using us at the same time.  

A few months ago my husband and I agreed to lead a small group in our home.  Who would come?  I had no idea.  But I sensed God leading and saying yes was the only choice.  And by saying yes, it made that line from the movie Field of Dreams, “If you build it he will come” idea true.   

By saying yes God brought the families.  He put together something so wonderful.  As I sat in my living room last night looking at the new faces He has now placed in my life, His goodness overwhelmed me once again.  

So now I understand. Just ask. Seek after it.  He will open the door.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord...plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11