2013 is going to be a very different year for me. It is going to be an amazing year. Truth be told 2013 could not have made the amazing status had it not been for an incredible 2012. 2012 has been the year that God has revealed Himself in magnificent ways. My life has forever changed.
It all began in December of last year when I received a phone call from Matthew Holden. He was living in Florida and I was here in good old’ North Carolina. He was calling to tell me of a job possibility for the state of NC. He called to ask my thoughts on the idea. My heart stopped. Fear set in and uncertainty of what God might have in store.
The past few years had been rocky. There was quite a bit of controversy and untruth surrounding the two of us. We had “parted ways” several months prior so that I could focus my attention on healing from a previous marriage and to focus my attention back on my walk with the Lord. At the time, life was still rocky and I just did not know if I could emotionally handle any more drama. I needed to pray about it.
It did not take long before God began opening doors and giving me clarity. I was afraid. In January of 2012, Matthew made his way to North Carolina by way of the mighty Amtrak. On January 25, 2012, I pulled up in front of the Amtrak station in downtown Raleigh and my heart stopped. Not out of fear but out of knowing that I was in love with the man waiting for me.
What came next was a series of events that led to a day where God stepped into my life in a very real way. It was now February and Matthew had a job interview with the state. He had a friend already working this particular job that had been walking him through the process and letting him know what to expect. He was told that there was typically a two-week wait between the interview and hearing any type of results. Oh, how much I despise the unknown after the past few years.
The morning of his interview Matthew and I briefly spoke before he headed into Raleigh. I was nervous for him and spent some quiet time praying. Through my prayer time, I began having an incredibly intimate worship time with the Lord. As I sat on the floor in my room, I became overwhelmed by His presence. I began to pray. I began to pray in a way that I never had before and it scared me.
Up until this point, I was afraid to pray specifically for anything. I had been praying about very specific things for years and up until this point felt that God just did not hear my prayers and so I was afraid to ask for anything. After beating around the bush for what must have been forever, I finally asked one request of God. I specifically prayed, “Lord, if Matthew is who you have chosen for me, let him be hired on the spot. I know Lord that this is a crazy request and that it just doesn’t work that way but I need to know I am where You would have me to be right now.” I then spent some time in tears before Him pretty much pleading for an answer. I made it clear that whatever happened, I would honor the answer. If Matthew were not hired, I would walk away. I spent the next bit of time writing. My head and heart were on overload as I waited. And waited. And waited some more.
Finally, the phone rang. It was Matthew. He was headed back to Wake Forest. There was no excitement in his voice. My heart sank. I heard God’s answer and I was willing to accept it. My heart was broken. As I waited for Matthew to arrive, I rehearsed the conversation I would have with him. I cried as I dealt with the overwhelming emotions I was experiencing but I had to be where the Lord wanted me to be and this is what I had to do.
I was sitting in my office when Matthew arrived. As he came around the corner, I could not look him in the face. I pretended to be typing away on some great work when he began talking. I do not exactly remember what he said other than it went well. My response was “how long until you hear something?” He looked at me and said they hired me. WHAT??? Tears flooded my eyes. I asked him again. At this point, I believe that Matthew probably thought that I was crazy. I probably appeared to be totally overreacting to a possible new job. It took a few moments before I could explain how my morning had gone but specifically my quiet time. God had heard my prayer and He had given me a clear answer. I was totally overwhelmed.
Our love story pretty much continues on that same path. We have seen God move in our lives and perform some remarkable things making Himself known. He has blessed us in amazing ways and given us a love that is beyond words. Our story is only beginning but from what we have experienced so far, I know that there is so much more in store for us.